Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
