i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
