we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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