Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
