I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Randomize
