i just wanna soil my oats bro
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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