Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
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