I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
