my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
