dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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