oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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