You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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