if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize