woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
it's like heaven, but drunker
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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