i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
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