She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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