I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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