You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
