u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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