capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
