hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
