I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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