Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
