Do you still have your period?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize