I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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