well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
