And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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