stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
