i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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