i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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