am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
