that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I look better un-naked...
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
