Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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