Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
