hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
