Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
he fucked my hip out of place.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
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