Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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