a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
