Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Randomize
