She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
