none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
