Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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