we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
