I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I have aggressive nipples.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
