Pants 0. Shit 1.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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