You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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