coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
