Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
