Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
