did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
third nipple confirmed
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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