naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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