I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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