hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
