grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
she pinky promised me she was 18
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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