Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
