the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize