Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
