i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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