take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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