also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
