look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
