I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
