Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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