lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
be right there i have to get my cape
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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