The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
