Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
You were trust falling into bushes
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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